Driftwood (c) Katrien Vander Straeten, 2004

Driftwood

Every year, once a year, I need to return to that long poem by Mary Oliver, The Leaf and the Cloud (published in 2000). It is a poem like life, with everything in it, only magnified and condensed. I can’t say much about it, only that it reverberates deeply with me, and comforts me, and puts me in touch with myself, makes me more honest. And then it also creates that distance, the kind of poetic distance that allows me to take a good look, at everything. It’s a good poem that way. An excerpt:

Flare

12.

Be good-natured and untidy in your exuberance .

In the glare of your mind, be modest.

And beholden to what is tactile, and thrilling.

Live with the beetle, and the wind.

This is the dark bread of the poem.

This is the dark and nourishing bread of the poem.

Look! This is how it starts:

Welcome to the silly, comforting poem.

An idea is brewing, for a new novel. I’ve sent my first thirteen chapters off to ten readers, and though I still need to write down the last chapter – yes, I deprived them of the ending! – and then edit, and sell it to an agent and a publisher, and all that… I feel I have let it go. And now it’s time for a new story.

Our work-weekend at the new house was cut short by the inclement weather. The humidity reached 91%, which made painting impossible. We decided not to spent another night there and to come “home” (“to our old home,” is how Amie appropriately puts it) to start packing.

While we were there we took stock of our woodpile. Our neighbor had chopped most of the wood and thrown the logs into the yard. It was such a pleasure stacking it and seeing the pile grow… such a pleasure in fact that we couldn’t stop and piled it too high. Now it feels a bit wobbly, so we’ll move some of the top layers to a second pile.

Woodpile 7 June 2008 (c) Katrien Vander Straeten

The robin’s eggs hatched. The four chicks were probably a day or two old: eyes still closed, and not a chirp, just wide-open mouths on long necks. The robins made a poor real estate choice when they built their nest under our car port roof, because each time we drive up or approach the car, the Mama Robin flees (and sits in the tree, calling out in alarm). So we parked the car further off to give them some peace. Both parents did nothing but hunt for food and feed the babies. Amie would have been at the window and watched them all day long, if it hadn’t been for the fact that we had to hold her up for her to see them.

Robin’s nest in carport, 7 June 2008 (c) Katrien Vander Straeten

Right next door to the Robin’s nest, wasps were busy building a nest. It’s very small (about 3 inches in diameter), as yet. We’ll have to take care of it soon: it’s too close to slamming car doors and loud toddler sounds. Any recommendations?

wasp’s nest, 7 June 2008 (vc) Katrien Vander Straeten

Beginning of our Woodpile, June 2008 (c) Katrien Vander Straeten

To many of you it might seem like not much, but to DH and me it looks like the foundation of paradise!

Some trees (in the background: 1 large white oak, 1 smaller birch and 1 smaller maple) had to be felled to make way for the new septic system. Their remains have been lying around for a while now. A couple of times DH and I stood in front of the ax, maul and chainsaw displays at the local Home Depot… speechless. Neither of us have any experience with firewood. I’ve thrown a log into an open fireplace maybe once in my life. So we were intimidated.

Luckily our neighbor turns out to be a firewood seller and a really nice guy. He came to our rescue with his chainsaw and also showed DH how to use the splitting maul.

Amie was quite impressed. She loved to help, carrying the logs to the pile, “like a big girl!” (sorry, I didn’t catch it on camera). She knows the difference now between “tree” and “wood” (*).

Installing a good wood stove into or near our fireplace is one of the priorities. The downed trees will make for at least two cords of firewood, which might be cured sufficiently by the end of October. There are some stacks of old firewood rotting around the property, and we might be able to save some of that too. I’m thinking we’ll need three cords…

Oh, life is good and nature provides!

(*) one of those fundamental Aristotelian distinction, so easily and naturally applicable to the world, as Aristotle always is!

Drawing of pile of books (c) Katrien Vander Straeten

I discovered Chile’s Quit Now Challenge (see the logo to the sidebar: it’s the clearest, most uncluttered, Peak Oil logo I’ve come across). I devoted some deep thinking about what I would give up…

  • Cigarettes? Diet Coke? McDonalds? Never did that / haven’t done that in half a decade.
  • Paper towels? TV? Airco? Plastic bags? Did that, done.
  • Dryer? Junking veggie waste? Will give that up the moment we move to the new place, where hanging clothes and composting are possible.
  • Procrastination? Can’t. I mean, loafing is an integral part of my job (writing). So are coffee and black tea.

Sigh.

Look, it’s not that difficult! Here goes:

I will give up buying toys and books for Amie, and books for myself.

From today (5 July) until 5 July, and after that we’ll see.

The comments and Chile’s later post on the matter discuss whether this means depriving oneself (negative spin) or gaining space and time (positive). In our case, of books and toy we have enough, too much already. Getting more will actually mean having less: less space and less time to discover and rediscover what we already have.

Also, we’re looking at our move, coming up soon (it’s planned in two weeks). I haven’t been able to bring myself to pack yet. It’s the books!

My 1000+ count philosophy library is already in boxes in storage. But since “giving up” philosophy, I’ve gained many more books, mainly children’s books, ecological treatises and all manner of homesteading books. I could never ever think of books as “clutter,” but truly, when you have to move them, they are, factually, weight.

So there. Can I do it? Can I be a Quitter?

Amie now loves two-step artwork. She painted the Deep Blue Sea and was excited about waiting for it to dry before she added Baby Beluga. She sang the song throughout the process.

Amie’s Baby Beluga, 3 June 2008 (c) Katrien Vander Straeten

After reading a Caillou book about growing carrots (which is the only edible vegetable in her book), she also wanted to make a sign. She drew the carrot paying close attention to a picture of a carrot. Then we stuck it to a stick, so it can mark where she sowed the seeds. No real seeds yet, I’m afraid, so she sows them in the bedcover. Then she also needed a marker for herself, of course!

Amie’s carrot and her name, 4 june 2008 (c) Katrien Vander Straeten

This is an old one of mine. So much fun, all those lines! But I doubt Amie would let me finish such a detailed drawing… maybe now she will…

Drawing of Darwin’s turtle (c) Katrien Vander Straeten

Amie and the doctor’s glasses (c) Katrien Vander Straeten

Amie started asking “Why?” a couple of weeks ago and hasn’t stopped. Some of her why-s are genuine questions, asked out of curiosity, but many (more, I suspect) are not. It’s fascinating and annoying and often a challenge. I find myself in conversations like these:

  • Amie, please don’t make that mess.
  • Why?
  • Why do you think?
  • (Silence. Reads her book. Obviously wasn’t a genuine question. Let’s pursue:)
  • Hmmmmm? Why do you think? Amie? Why do you think?

Or:

  • Mama, why do you need a spoon?
  • Why do think?
  • I don’t know.
  • Yes, you do. Why do you think I need a spoon?
  • To stir your tea?
  • Yes! See, so you knew why all along. So there was no need for you to ask why at all!

My response depends on my estimation of her reason for asking. These are many, and not readily discernible!

  1. She wants to know: e.g., “Why is it dark?”
  2. She’s curious about the wider topic: “Why is X crying?”
  3. She’s not really interested, she’s just asking for the sake of talking/pronouncing words/uttering sounds, like singing
  4. It’s a game, she’s playing with language and that most intriguing and versatile of words (why yes: “why”)
  5. It’s a reflex, like in the examples above (mostly when she just asks “why?”, without elaborating the full question)
  6. She just wants to get attention and the annoying aspect is unintentional
  7. She wants to get attention by being annoying
  8. She just wants to annoy

Can you think of other reasons? I’m sure there’s many more, just like there are many possible responses:

  1. “Because our part of the earth is slowly turning away from the sun and so the sun can’t shine on our place anymore and it gets dark. Then it’s night. But tomorrow morning our place will be turning back to the sun and so it will become light again. Then it will be day again. Here, wait, lemme me look it up in this en-cy-clow-pee-dia.”
  2. “Why do you think?” as a conversation starter: “Because she banged her knee? Remember that day when I got that booboo?”
  3. “Is that a real why? Do you really want to know?”
  4. “Why do you think?” as a Ha! Gotcha back! But this doesn’t work very long (“No, Mama, what do you think?”)
  5. “Why what?” “I don’t understand your question, please eee-la-bo-raate“. This might make her understand that the why-question must be respected and asked in earnest.
  6. “Why are you asking? Is it because you need a hug? A kiss? A gobble?”
  7. “Because that’s how they made it.” Also not a why?-stopper for long (and rightly so?)”
  8. “Because I said so!” This often deserves a new why in return.
  9. “Because Mama knows best!” This is sometimes legitimate, e.g., to “Why should I hold you hand on the busy street?”
  10. “That’s a really stupid question!”: this in my view is a no-no. She might think she is stupid for asking it! A stupid way to go, really.
  11. “That’s enough questions for now” or “I’m all out of answers”.
  12. “Mama can’t answer anymore, sweetie, I’ve got a headache.” If followed by a genuine “Why?”, answer truthfully. If not, go to next alternative:
  13. Silence (turn up the radio volume)

There must be a lesson in this… I guess it’s live with it, make the best of it, and make sure you don’t discourage the real why questions.

But then there’s also this:

Listen, I’m a philosopher (I alway say: “student of philosophy”) by training, and what really, really bugs me about this incessant why? is that often it is the wrong question. What Amie wants to know is not why?, but how?!

It’s the difference between causes and reasons, people!

  • How does it work? = what causes this to happen? “The lever pushes the wheel. That’s how it turns.” (Domain of science and technology)
  • Why does it work? = what motivates something or someone, what is the purpose? “The turning wheel makes the toy cars go round. That why it turns.” (Domain of morality and psychology)

Now how am I going to explain that one to a two-year-old? I guess I could start with:

“Why? Oh, you mean how come? Well…”

Barnyard Crime (c) Annie LaVigne (used with permission)

Barnyard Crime by Annie LaVigne

I’ve been terribly remiss in neglecting to add Mickey’s blog to my blogroll. I read Mickey’s weekly blog almost daily and always (1) either cry with laughter, (2) or choke laughing (when I’m munching or drinking something). This week’s entry is particularly hilarious!

Mickey is the other part of Harriet and Mickey, who run the show at illustrator Annie LaVigne’s company – and at her house too, it seems! Check out her funny and witty and generally amusing drawings and prints and send a droll e-card to your loved ones… at Harriet and Mickey.com.

Maria Montessori

(Maria Montessori)

After all the hassle of getting Amie into a preschool in Brookline and putting down our deposit… we’re moving. Luckily the hassle was less in the town we’re moving to, but the downside of that was that the choice was overwhelming!

But our favorite was always the Montessori school around the corner, and though it was a bit pricey, in the end we went with that. Amie’s Baba is a Montessori preschool alumnus and he never really considered the other options. I read up on Montessori when we were trying to get Amie into the Jamaica Plain Montessori school, and I really like the philosophy.

“No one can be free unless he is independent.”

So true.

I think it will be good for our little girl. It will help her discipline her great mind. It’s only 2,5 hours a day, and I look forward to having lots of time with her at the new house. We can garden and craft and play together the rest of the day. She will have, I hope, the best of both worlds.

 

Amie end of May 2008 (c) Katrien Vander Straeten

Sometimes when Amie is concentrating on something – reading a book, making a drawing, or watching an episode of Caillou – I sneak closer and observe her in detail. I “do the rounds,” check everything. Her eyes work – they see, they blink. Her mouth works, for eating and talking and breathing. Her nose and ears work. Her little hands, every finger on them, do the most amazing things. Her feet keep her upright, and along with her legs and arms allow her climb and jump. Everything on the inside seems to work pretty well too: food goes in, waste comes out, the heart beats strong, and her brain is doing fine too. It’s just amazing! I can’t wrap my head around it…

Boon potty Bench (c) Boon Inc.

I think that potty-training was Amie’s first real challenge. It’s not like “learning” to walk and talk, is it? Those come naturally and very gradually – for both the kid and the parents. Going on the potty is the first fully learned skill, one that requires physical training, and patience and a resilience to failure for all concerned.

There seem to be two general schools of potty training. Each is a combination of two approaches to the child’s access to the new (the potty) and to the old (the diaper).

With regard to the potty:

  • 1. the let’s-first-get-acquainted school: introduce the potty very (too) early on, very gradually; once she is ready, she will know what it is for and will naturally go to it.
  • 2. the wow-look-what’s-this! one: once you know she’s ready, make a big deal about buying and placing the potty and start right away.

You can combine this with two types of access to the diaper:

  • A. the safe-and-easy approach: keep the diaper on, let the child go to the potty by herself, or practice a routine of visiting the potty regularly.
  • B. the what-the heck-is-going-on?! school: once they’re ready, take away the diapers and make them experience the discomfort of wet underpants.

We started out by following a combination of schools 1 and A. We got this fancy Boon potty (*) when Amie was around 1 1/2 and it stood in our bathroom for months before she was really ready. She would sometimes sit on it, but for fun and play, which is exactly what school 1. encourages. More often she would sit on top of the lid and read books.

The time came. She seemed ready, announcing that she was peeing and even going to pee, complaining about a wet diaper, etc. Preschool was in the nearer future and family members were noticing the continued presence of diapers.

But Amie had lost all interest. We could not entice her to sit on that potty, not even as a game – while keeping our fingers crossed that we would strike lucky. Even when she was clearly ready, she refused. Not even our repeated observations about big girls going on the potty helped. She’d cleverly point out that she was “a little bit big and a little bit small.” Even the model of Boo – her favorite Boo, from Monsters, Inc – going on the potty wouldn’t make her try.

That potty just wasn’t fun anymore! The novelty and adventure of it had simply worn off.

Still sticking with school 1. we switched to approach B. We put her in underpants when she was at home. She didn’t like that at all! She often asked for a diaper, but I would talk her out of it. Still, it didn’t feel right because I could see she wasn’t sure of herself, and couldn’t relax. We would have 50% success, but she would go to the potty reluctantly and renew her requests for a diaper. Just as often she would relax and have an accident, and then she would cry, heartbroken. This was undermining her confidence: not good!

Exit schools 1. and B. We put the diapers back on and tried to break the curse of the boring potty by introducing an adaptor for the adult potty, but she didn’t feel comfortable on such a wobbly contraption, which required the added fuss of a stepstool.

I thought it best we take a break: we stopped our efforts and I hid the potty for over two months.

When I reintroduced it – a la school 2. – she finally got on track. We placed it in a different place: our common bedroom, put lots of books next to it, and made a big ado about her own roll of toilet paper. We mixed approaches A. and B., letting her decide. Sometimes she asked for panties, sometimes she preferred the safety-net of a diaper or pull-up – it doesn’t seem to matter, because she can open her diaper herself now (**). We had some accidents, but her reaction was now one of u-oh, not of help!-I-can’t-do-this! I introduced the reward of an “M&M” (an organic chocolate covered raisin).

It has taken about four months now, and – when at home – she is fully potty-trained during the day. More than often she wakes up with a dry diaper too. She is even going on the potty at daycare (contrary to many other kids, the peer-pressure of her friends going on the potty there didn’t help much). And she hardly ever asks for her reward anymore!

“I’m a big girl now!” she will say with conviction.

Next challenge: going on the potty in public restrooms and public spaces like parks, and holding it in when we’re in the car!

(*) We like it a lot. It’s rather expensive ($35) , but it is comfortable (as far as I know), has storage bins on either side, one with a rod to put the toilet paper roll, and it can be closed to lok totally inconspicuous as a sturdy step stool that will lift your toddler up to the sink. And it looks neat too.

(**) Seventh Generation has made the tabs on their largest diapers bigger: very handy, and they no longer tear off.