color drawing of myself and cousins making sandcastle

  • Is one enough?

We are asked quite often if we want a second child. It’s a tough question.

As for myself, I always envisioned three: two of our own and one adopted. But I don’t have time on my side: I am already 35, and I don’t think Amie is ready for a younger sibling as yet, let alone an adopted sibling. Financially, having one child has turned out to be a lot more expensive than we thought. And then there are the (new) ecological worries about overpopulation, consumption, and a difficult future.

But mainly I feel that Amie is enough for us, and that we are enough for her (so far). Only kids can be lonely, I know, but we take care to involve her in our own active social life, to let her participate in our adult friendships, and to cultivate her relationship with kids her own age.

  • Is more too much?

And on the other side of “enough” there is also “too much”. My sister and only sibling is two years younger than me. I remember most clearly the turbulence of our adolescent relationship, but there are earlier memories that rankle: of being manipulated, of having to be the one to fight the battles.

The most prohibitive, however, is a much older “memory cloud” of abandonment. Perhaps I shouldn’t write “abandonment”: that’s too discrete a concept, perhaps an after-the-fact rationalization. Rather, it’s a complex and almost visceral feeling of confusion, fear, sadness and loneliness.

I used to think it was a false memory, a later romantization of my plight as “the oldest one”. But seeing Amie now and imagining introducing her to her little sister or brother, ties a knot in my stomach that I seem to know too well. And don’t wish upon her.

  • Sandbox revelations

Yesterday, in the sandbox, Amie ignored all the kids her age and younger. She’s a very-parallel-play-er. The kids at daycare will run to the door to greet her when she arrives, but she never pays them any notice. In the sandbox, when approached by another child, she was wary, especially as she was “collecting scoops,” of which she relinquished one only when I asked her to share.

Then an older boy came along. He was older as in 9 years, to her 22 months. He ignored her, but she suddenly took notice in the most striking way. As he walked by her, she held out a scoop to him and eagerly said:

“You want it? You want it?”

He didn’t notice and she stood there, a bit frazzled. And as she recovered, it hit me: Amie would actually love a sibling, but an older sibling!

  • An older sibling now…

Wouldn’t that be neat? The older kid could be 8 or 9 and already at home in the world and in our family (so adopting an 8-year-old wouldn’t quite count). If she was a girl, she would love a little Amie to play with, help take care of her, and show her off to her girlfriends. If he was a boy, he would manage quite well to ignore her most of the time, and extend gracious big-brother benevolence when it matters. Amie could look up at her/him, and he/she would totally understand her dependence and high maintenance…

Has anyone figured out how to do this yet?

gdiaper.jpgsevgen_diaper.jpg

A while ago I published a review of gDiapers, Seventh Generation diapers and Whole Food 365 diapers.

In the meantime I’ve received comments and questions from discerning and concerned readers, gained some more hands-on (hah!) experience with the gDiapers, and found some more questions on the net.

These are additional questions that I am now investigating:

  1. What is the “poly” in Seventh Generation? I assumed it was polyurethane, and left it at that, but a reader suggests: “It is still plastic; in fact, it’s the same polypropolene used to line landfills (that’s how water-tight and air-tight they are!).” I’ve written to Seventh Generation for clarification.
  2. Another concern is where that absorbant woodpulp comes from. Many (other) disposables get it straight from China, which raises many environmental  and health concerns (e.g., poisoned toothpaste, melamine in pet food, and antifreeze in medicines).
  3. After a couple more weeks of using gDiapers, Amie started complaining that they are “too tight” and “hurt”. So, as per her request, in the update I will also address the sizing issue of gDiapers, the scratchiness of their velcro, and the lack of an Extra Large size.
  4. There will also be some musing on the gDiaper leaking-issue, and the staining of the snap-in/out liners.

If you have any other questions you want me to investigate, email me or comment on this post. (I just realized readers can’t comment on “pages”, which is what my review is, only on “posts”: will try to do something about that soon!)

… six kinds of basil! Six!

They’re in clay pots perched on the ledge that surrounds our basement entrance.

Sounds gloomy? No: they’re in the sun! They’re soaking up the sun and soon we will harvest some of that energy for ourselves.

I plan to get more herbs (last year we successfully grew basil, cilantro, rosemary, thyme and dill). They each have to fit in a smallish container, preferably two or three plants a pot. All together they have to fit on the ledge, which is the only space that we can (sort of) claim for growing our own plants, and the only place where the sun directly shines.

I’d like to get a cherry tomato plant as well… any other suggestions?

I also got out the “bug jar”, the clear glass jar we use for catching bugs in our house. I caught a large spider yesterday morning and Amie and I watched it crawl around for a while. Then I released it by shaking it out of the jar into the grass. Amie later said: “Mama threw the spider away”.

Photograph of small farm on river bend

  • Holmgren’s place

I’m oggling David Holmgren’s Melliodora, or at least what is avaiable of it for free on the net (the whole e-book seems worth it but is still AUS$35). You can check it out yourself here (go to publications, click on the e-book, then scroll down to the free demo).

ebook cover Holmgrens’ Melliodora

The Melliodora project is a model of what I would love to do with a place:

  1. get to know it by all kinds of methods (aerial maps, soil and water samples, photographs and sketches)
  2. in detail (each aspect of its landscape, soils, waterways, flora and fauna, its history too)
  3. approach it pragmatically (how can it best be developed, what plants will grow where best, where can we build structures, where can we harvest energy)
  4. live it by personal experience (actually build the structures and work the land, suffer the losses, celebrate the successes)
  5. treat it ethically (how to use the place sustainably, with respect for all its inhabitants, the firther environment)
  6. and wholistically (how to let it enrich our physical as well as our spiritual being, e.g., how to maximize its educational potential) 
  • A whole dream

Holmgren presents all the elements of the development and maintenance of his own home and demonstration site, Melliodora, as a case-study as scientifically detailed and as personally intense as they come. As a showcase of permaculture, it is a practical and scientific approach to place, food, time and life, based on ethical, educational and spiritual principles. 

I feel so lucky to have found this project. Its spirit (not its size) matches, challenges and fires my dream, the Homestead Plan.

The books I am reading are effecting a revolution in me that I would like to postpone describing for a bit: let me work through it in my journal for a while. Then I hope I will be able to put down in words, for you, what is happening in my thinking and feeling, how revolutionary but also how logical it really is, given the changes in our lives over the last two years, the dreams of the past few months, the reading of the past few days and, simply, the kind of person that I am today and want to be tomorrow…

So I’m sorry to keep you waiting, I hope it will be worthwhile. In the meanwhile,  though, I’ll let you in on the books that are fueling this change.

  • Rick Bass for the mood

I’m reading two of Rick Bass’ books. Winter I have read several times before. I still remember my first reading of it, how powerfully it affected my mood: I am happy that it does the same thing to me each time I reread it. I’m only thirty-something pages into Bass’ Ninemile Wolves, but it has already moved me deeply. I think this is what Bass does best: the steady accumulation of mood…

Cover of Rick Bass: The Ninemile Wolvescover of Rick Bass: Winter

  • Holmgren for thought

But the greatest impression, or rather pressure  at the moment is being exerted by David Holmgren’s Permaculture. Principes and Pathways Beyond Sustainability. I have been reading up on Permaculture gardening (Hemenway’s Gaia’s Garden) for The Homestead Plan, but this book, well…

cover of David Holmgren’s Permaculture

If you’ve read this book, let me know what it did for you.

This morning, after a rare full night’s sleep (and blissfully no hypnopompic sightings for me!), we cuddled for 15 minutes before getting well and truly up.

Amie was enacting “Baby Amie”: she cuddles and coos and you have to hold and shush her like a baby. Then I asked her: “Do you remember what Baby Amie used to do?” She thought for a couple of seconds and answered:

“Sleeping.”

“Yes, and what else did Baby Amie do?”

“Did Baby Amie have lots of gung-gung?”

(“Gung-gung” was her/our word for nursing.)

Amie thought deeply for three seconds or so, then her face and eyes lit up with remembrance and joy:

“Ye-es,” she said, smiling broadly. Then:

“Where is gung-gung?”

“Oh, sorry sweetie,” I said, “there’s no more gung-gung” (she weaned herself about six months ago). She nodded understandingly, and then very seriously stated:

“Amie is all finished with gung-gung.”

I found a photograph that captures motherhood so perfectly – in a setting that completes the picture for me. It’s by Philip-Lorca diCorcia, from his Storybook Life. I can’t reproduce it because of copyright, but click here and you’ll see.

Black and White Photograph of Amie 16 May 2007

There is something about this photograph… The soft pools of light, the ghost of herself, the movement of her arm. The door standing open, fixed and hard. Her downcast gaze, concentration. Just another split second in our front hallway (/front hallaway/): captured, though not quite…

She was fitting grown-up shoes. Not yet, sweetie, not yet…

I got to know about the Simply in Season Cookbook (Mennonite Herald Press) via a review for Groovy Green by Liz Deane (of Pocket Farm fame). Her review focuses on the ecological and geopolitical background of food and food production. Mine focuses on the cookbook aspect of the book. Go read her review, and mine!

Bon appetit!

This blog has been taking on a rather schizophrenic aspect:

  • here I am, writing blissfully about my daughter’s drawings, about her funny and embarassing first attempts at public speaking, and so forth,
  • while lamenting the destruction of her future and my sometimes rational/sometimes panicked efforts, small and drastic, to make and plan for a better one.

Probably this schizophrenia is par for the course for anyone who has children and has at least some sensitivity to what we are doing to our planet and to what is happening with oil. We live with such hope and such despair: are we the “Torn Generation”? Or do we already have a name? I forget…

Well, in any case, to stop this blog from splitting at the seams, I’m moving some of my reflections about the earth, nature, self-sufficiency and sustainability and the like, to Suite101, where I am a Writer.

And my first article is up:

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What and Who is Self-Sufficient? Self-Sufficiency, Reciprocity and Self-Sustainability

  • People

As the title suggests (huh!), it is a basic article introducing the concepts of self-sufficiency, reciprocity and self-sustainability. The article focuses on the people-aspect of the issue: who comes to mind when we hear “self-sufficient”, what do these people do to merit this label, what are their aims, motivations and desires?

  • Community and Reciprocity

I also take care to stress the community-aspect. No one can be 100 self-sufficient, and such a thing might not even be desirable. One is always dependent on a community, and any action toward more self-suficiency inevitably involves that community.

  • Self-sustainability

The discussion of degrees of self-sufficiency naturally leads to another concept, which is often confused or equated with self-sufficiency: self-sustainability. Does more self-sufficiency guarantee more self-sustainability? What is the right balance between self-sufficiency and dependence or reciprocity, so that our lives can be sustained?

Check it out!

Photograph of tv dumped in desert, by Pablo Gonzalez Vargas (at Morguefile.com)

(Thanks to a lead from Aaron at Powering Down)

  • 90% of 2-year-olds watch 1.5 hours of television daily

Frederick Zimmerman and colleagues Christakis and Meltzoff did a telephone survey of 1009 parents (in Minnesota and Washington) of children aged 2 to 24 months. And they found some disturbing facts:

By 3 months of age, about 40% of children regularly watched television, DVDs, or videos. By 24 months, this proportion rose to 90%. The median age at which regular media exposure was introduced was 9 months. Among those who watched, the average viewing time per day rose from 1 hour per day for children younger than 12 months to more than 1.5 hours per day by 24 months. Parents watched with their children more than half of the time. Parents gave education, entertainment, and babysitting as major reasons for media exposure in their children younger than 2 years. ["Television and DVD/Video Viewing in Children Younger Than 2 Years," published in Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, May 2007]

What’s so disturbing about this?

  • Academic performance?

Scientists as well as the media reporting on their findings are usually interested in the effects of so much television on intellectual (read academic) performance. For instance, in 2005, Zimmerman and Christakis studied children who before age 3 watched an average of 2.2 hours of television per day, and children who at ages 3 to 5 watched a daily average of 3.3 hours. Their conclusion was that

There are modest adverse effects of television viewing before age 3 years on the subsequent cognitive development of children. These results suggest that greater adherence to the American Academy of Pediatrics guidelines that children younger than 2 years not watch television is warranted. ["Children’s Television Viewing and Cognitive Outcomes. A Longitudinal Analysis of National Data," published in Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, July 2005]

Mmmm: “modest averse effects”. That won’t persuade the stressed-out parent who relies on television as a babysitter or a soother.

In an interview with Newsweek, Zimmerman is more forceful and reticent at the same time:

It is not clear-cut, but it is very suggestive, that excessive viewing, more than 30 to 60 minutes a day before 3 years of age, is associated with a lot or problems later on, such as obesity, poor cognitive development, poor attention control and aggressive behavior. Much more research needs to be done in these areas, though, before we have a crystal-clear picture of these effects.

  • Advertising

The reasons for this are simple. Intellectual (read, again, academic) performance is “easily” measured. And the traditional media would rather not put the spotlight on certain other effects of television, effects that are beneficial to them. Advertising, for instance.

As Aaron (father of Keaton) writes:

Before our children have even fully functional use of our language, we are giving them over to others, including advertising agencies and their corporate sponsors, to teach them what those people and companies would like them to know.

Spot on!

  • Mindfulness

I have seen this in Amie. She was never the least bit interested in television. We played Baby Einstein for her when she was 6 months old, and after the third time she had lost interest. I was relieved by that, because whatever “attention” she did pay to the program seemed more enforced than enthusiastic. How could she not look at where that horrendous music (Baby Beethoven) was coming from? So I put “attention” between quotes, because it was less awareness than shielding!

I single out Baby Einstein because we tried it and because I detest the musical renditions. But any program that is not, say, Sixty Minutes, is detrimental to real attention. Attention means awareness, or even better: mindfulness. One isn’t mindfull of Friends, or even Seinfeld, one simply undergoes it. As such, people with attention deficit disorder have no trouble paying “attention” for three hours to a fastpaced movie or computergame. And however much the Baby Einstein Company et. al. would like us to believe it, there has been no proof that watching their products enhance  attention, let alone minds. 

  • Noisy ads 

One exception to Amie’s total disregard to television was one particular ad. She couldn’t care less about the Red Sox game, but when that Pepsi ad with Jimmy Fallon came on, she would turn, stare for a second, and dance. Two minutes later it was back to business as usual. 

We catered to her dancing needs much better by putting on cds, and she continued to ignore the tv, until a month ago. I’ve written that she has become a lot more sensitive to sound, especially as the sign of something threatening (a loud machine, a car honking). She still ignores the programs, but the ads have suddenly become a lot more “interesting”.

I don’t precisely know what “interesting” means here. I would like think she is merely checking out the sudden noise (*) as a potential threat. But then she keeps on staring at it. She is sucked in, becomes passive, mindless.

(*) Ads may not be more “voluminous” than other television content objectively, but they are louder subjectively, thanks to the audio technicians tricks that make the track sound fuller, more dynamic. The same goes for the visual density of an ad: the images are sharper, flashier, more colorful. Sooner or later also that aspect will want to kidnap her.

  • Where does the mind go when the eyes watch tv?

You can’t measure “mindful” and “mindless”: it is too big, too wondeful. A child’s mind is so much more than just IQ or reading ability. It is identity, wholesomeness, confidence, autonomy, spirituality, responsibility, kindness and affection.

Children this young are still laboriously and courageously building these qualities. So they are even more defenseless against the assault of television than us adults (who freely and stupidly give up these wonderful things as we accept human characters being blown and beaten to pieces).  In the face of such auditory, visual, and mindless violence, the small seeds of these qualities retreat. What is left is a vacuum easily occupied by corporations and companies.

I can easily entertain the opinion that the kind of television of the last twenty years has influenced the teens and early twentiers who were raised on it, from infancy, and in particular their ability to cope with aggression and aggressive behavior. If the ubiquitous babysitter habitually beats someone up, right in front of the child and with impunity… And if that babysitter cheats on the spouse, drives an SUV, lives in a McMansion and goes shopping for shoes everything she feels depressed…