My Joy in the Present and My Fear for the Future

I am preparing two bags;

1) A field bag, containing

1. compass
2. measuring tape
3. pencils and pencil sharpener
4. paper/journals for Mama and Amie
5. eraser
6. watercolor and water bottle, brushes
7. baggies for collecting
8. clear tape
9. camera

I might add a baggie with Plaster of Paris for capturing animal tracks and a mixing tin.

2) A run-out-of-the-house emergency pack, containing

1. important documents and some cash
2. important medications and first aid kid
3. duct tape
4. matches in waterproof container
5. several ziploc bags
6. batteries
7. battery/handcrank flashlight
8. portable battery/handcrank radio
9. swiss army knife
10. 1 change of clothes for each of us, extra socks
11. high energy bars
12. water bottles and water purification tablets

The emergency bag needs to grow into something more substantial, possibly with sleeping bags, tent and cooking gear and more food. Not too big: not too much for just one person to carry.

Does it strike you too? The contrast! How is it possible to live with these two bags at the same time? How do I reconcile them in my life: one, this love of life, of my child and of nature, and, two, this hopelessness, this dreadful vision of the future?

I don’t know. But I do.

The same tension is present here, in this blog. Many come here for my reviews of “green diapers”, or to read about Amie’s artwork, and lately also our nature studies. They are often confronted with posts about how we are simplifying our lives and reducing our carbon footprint. It confuses them.

Others visit for our seedling setup and chicken studies, our progress in the Riot 4 Austerity, or to read our What We Do Manifesto. More than often they get Tigger as drawn by Amie, or Mama’s latest wheel thrown pot. They too are confused.

I seem to alienate both. Or do I? I don’t know.

Should I have two blogs? Or three perhaps? I’ve thought about it, but I don’t think I can. All these sides is who I am, always all these together at once. They often do battle, and then this blog is the place where I come to proclaim the one or the other that is the strongest at the moment, or the one or the other that needs some encouragement.

It might turn off some readers, but so what?

And yet I think it is time that I started writing more about this contrast, or rather, this overlap between life-as-usual, which is so wonderful at the moment, and my very real and detailed worries for the future. It’s time to begin the work of reconciling them, in my own mind at least. That story is perhaps the most important one to tell.